What have you always wanted to be?

I always wanted to be a teacher.

But my dad had such a negative opinion of teachers and the education system, and was so outspoken about it, that I didn’t dare.

Off I went to university, as we were all expected to do in my family, and pursued a psychology degree. My dad was a psychologist.

Now, to be clear, not once did my dad ever suggest what I ought to do with my life. Or what I ought to be interested in. But I sure wanted to please him, so I made up all kinds of stories about how to make him happy.

(Once I had kids, I realized that’s not quite how it works.)

My first act of rebellion was at the tender age of 24ish. I went to law school. I don’t think I actually had any intention of being a lawyer. I didn’t really even know what lawyers did. But everything I’d done until that point in my life, academically at least, was easy. I was always at the top of the class, even in university.

I probably would have thrived going further in psychology, and sometimes wonder why I didn’t. I LOVE psychology, to this day. But I think I needed to feel a challenge, to do something scary. Something out of my comfort zone. And I wanted to stay in school just a bit longer. I wasn’t ready for the real world.

I found my little clique of lawyer friends, who seemed very non-lawyer-y, quite frankly. Like attracts like.

I knew early on that this probably wasn’t for me. But I’m no quitter, so I saw it through. And to make the most of it, I even worked in the Legal Aid Clinic all through law school, so I was taking it beyond the classroom and the books and making it real. Just in case I liked it, I suppose. I wanted to give it a proper chance.

I didn’t hate law school. I didn’t do badly. But I certainly wasn’t top of the class. I saw it through as far as articling in a full-service law firm. A bit of this, a bit of that. My heart wasn’t in it. I just couldn’t see this being what I did for the rest of my life.

People were so proud of me. Like going to law school meant something other than going to law school. My in-laws, in particular, seemed so incredibly proud of me. I’m not sure whether they even realize I’ve never practiced beyond articling. I don’t think it even mattered. I think “our daughter-in-law went to law school” was some kind of status thing.

My second act of rebellion happened in 2019, right before the COVID pandemic.

I became a teacher.

My dad was gone for 23 years before I decided it was okay to do that. I wasn’t a teacher-teacher… I was just doing some online English teaching to kids in China.

I loved it.

Got myself a little ESL certificate and everything. Obviously, things picked up in 2020 with no one going to school and Chinese parents desperate to make sure their kids got ahead. I was busy.

And once I’d done the forbidden and chosen my own path, the floodgates opened. It suddenly dawned on me that I could do anything I wanted.

Can you imagine?

Law school taught me that I could do hard things that seemed unexpected and out of character, and that took me out of my element. And teaching taught me that I didn’t have to be afraid of doing something I thought my dad disapproved of.

And now the possibilities are endless.