Feeling Disconnected from Yourself? Here's How to Reconnect

How do you reconnect with yourself when you're not even sure what you've lost?

As women, it's easy for us to become disconnected from what we want or even who we are. Our lives are a constant weaving in and out of different stages. Changes. Big ones. The kind that reshapes our identity. Repeatedly.

At various ages and stages, maybe we're a student, an employee, or eventually a boss. But we're also a daughter, a sister, a partner, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a divorcee, a widow.

Every new role puts different demands and responsibilities on our shoulders.

We take it all in stride. Because, hey ho, we’re women; that’s what we do. We adapt. We become who everyone else needs us to be. 

Who our employer needs us to be.

Who our kids need us to be.

Who our partner needs us to be.

Who our parents need us to be.

Who our friends need us to be.

At some point, we stopped asking what we need.

It’s so sneaky we don’t even see it coming. It’s not like we have regrets about devoting our time to our kids or building our careers, but the reality is that we gradually took a backseat to everything else.

And then one day, usually at some sort of transition like becoming an empty-nester or seeing the career winding down, we start to feel a bit disconnected from ourselves.

Now that life looks different, what matters to me now?

What do I want?

What do I enjoy?

How do I want this next chapter to look?

What have I been putting off until "one day"?

Why Life Transitions Can Leave You Feeling Disconnected

Each of these stages is really an invitation to rediscover who we are and what we want next.

But we often didn’t think of it that way.

We just kept going. Checking the boxes. Making the dinners. Carpooling the kids. Sewing the Halloween costumes. Taking our parents to appointments. Moving from one responsibility to the next. Shapeshifting from one identity to another without catching our breath in between.

Life changes us whether we notice it or not.

But what happens if we never stop long enough to notice how we've changed?

If we don't, it's easy to keep living according to priorities that no longer fit the person we've become.

Signs You've Lost Touch with What Matters Most

How do you know if you've become disconnected from yourself?

It’s usually nothing dramatic. It’s not as obvious or alarming as an existential crisis (although sometimes it is).

You might notice it when someone asks what you want, and you draw a blank.

Or when you finally have a free afternoon and realize you have no idea how you'd like to spend it.

Maybe you've caught yourself saying, "I used to love..." more often than "I love..."

Or you've become so used to putting yourself last that it no longer feels like a sacrifice. It just feels normal.

You don't necessarily feel unhappy; you just don't feel particularly connected to your own life.

How to Reconnect with Yourself

So what’s to be done, then?

Well, we’re not talking about a complete overhaul, so no need to panic.

You don’t need to pull yourself away from your life, freak everyone out, and turn into Shirley Valentine.

All we’re talking about here is a pause. A moment to notice and check in with yourself. A willingness to become curious about yourself again.

Think of it this way:

The quality of the rest of your life is shaped, in part, by the quality of the next question you ask yourself.

So, let's pause and ask ourselves a few good questions.

Instead of responding to everyone else:

What time is the meeting? Can you help me with this?

What's for dinner?

Who needs picking up?

… it's a moment to start listening to ourselves.

Sometimes that's all it takes to reconnect with what matters most.

If you're ready to reconnect with what matters most right now, I've put together a free guide called Five Questions to Reconnect with What Matters. It contains five simple questions to help you pause, reflect, and reconnect with yourself.

Who knows what it might be the start of?

All it takes is five minutes... and a little curiosity.